Thursday, June 21, 2018

Strict Asian Parents - unlocked!

      c.a. 2000. The great lady that raised my mum, my grandma. Hats off to her because she clearly did something right for my mum's parenting to be this good.

Hey guys!
Parents within the Asian community are different to the typical "white" parents and that is a well established fact. There's plenty of memes out there if you  need to get a gist of what it is like. So I've actually had someone message me asking how my parents allow me to go travelling with friends, do things by myself and to go out to events. I can assure you that my parents are identical to any Asian parents however, I would say over the years especially my mum and me we have met half way. My mum's parenting is 100%. It is based on one main thing - trust. 

The key to a functional relationship with your parents is to prove to them that they can actually trust you to be fine in the big complicated and dangerous world. I've been doing a lot of little things while growing up that proved to my parents that they can trust me to be fine. 
It is small things that add up, I tell my mum everything - literally every detail. While I am at uni I tell her everything that happens, I mention my friends names regularly, she knows most of my close friends. This is not because my mum is overprotective and I have to tell her but because she is like a best friend to me and it's just a habit. This habit however does impact trust in a positive way. Never have I lied to my parents about my whereabouts. When travelling with friends, even to this day I send my friends' numbers over to my mum. Not because she'll check if I'm saying the truth but for security. If anything ever happened to me she'll know for sure where I am and who I'm with and how to contact them. 
I don't hide anything from my mum. Given that this is the Asian community we are talking about there's going to be an aunt showing her typical aunty behaviour and try to jump to conclusions or tells my mum something that she thinks that she doesn't know. Aunties do happen but my mother is never shocked by anything because she's always informed about everything. My mum doesn't have Instagram but I always show her my posts, profile and youtube videos.
She knows where I went or where this aunty may have seen me with a "boy", who's probably my best friend that I've already introduced to my mum.  
Its come to that point in life where I can't even attempt to lie to my mum, I naturally feel the need to tell her everything, she's actually my best friend. Her parenting went the right way - why? I don't make bad decisions or anything sneaky. I wouldn't do anything my mum wouldn't be proud of. Because her trust in me is far too strong to be broken. 

My mum always says, if you're too strict as a parent your child is likely to go behind your back and do far worse things. In the same way, my mum's trust in me has prevented me from ever doing anything too harmful. 

Now moving on to dad, he is the typical traditionally strict Tamil dad. Especially when it comes to clothing. You've got to remember that our parents grew up surrounded by a majority different culture, expectations and surroundings so you can't blame them for having different rules. I sit down with my dad and do politely explain and talk back to him when we face a culture clash. It took much longer and it is a working progress but the point is if I can get my ultra strict dad to understand and agree so can you.  

It's down to you to make your parents "less strict". They will trust you and allow you if you give them reasons to. Soooo kids, teenagers, adults anybody. If you're still dealing with strict and overprotective parents, remember they mean well and it is down to you to gain their trust in you. Don't do anything behind their backs! 


1 comment

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